Funny Poems

 Just Another Christmas On Christmas Eve, the snow piled high, But chaos brewed beneath the sky. The tree stood tall, a festive delight, Until the cat climbed up for a fright. The star tipped over, the tinsel flew, The ornaments shattered—it was quite the view! The dog chased the cat in a manic swirl, And the toddler ate a glassy pearl. Grandma’s fruitcake made its debut, A brick disguised as a cake, it’s true. Uncle Bob took a brave first bite, Now his dentist works overtime tonight. The turkey cooked for hours on end, But somehow turned to ash, my friend. So we ordered pizza—cheese galore, Then dropped the box on the kitchen floor. The lights outside were a tangled mess, Dad cursed as he tried to "just assess." He stapled his thumb, the ladder shook, He fell into the bushes—what a look! The kids unwrapped their presents in glee, But Santa’s gifts weren’t what they’d plea. "An educational book?" one cried, And stuffed it where the fire complied. A snowball fight b...

 A Christmas Catastrophe n Christmas Eve, the reindeer rebelled, They unionized and loudly yelled: "No more cookies, no more sleigh, We’re taking December as a holiday!" Santa panicked, his belly did quake, "No reindeer? Good grief, for goodness' sake!" So he strapped some squirrels to the sleigh instead, But they all got dizzy and fled. The elves were frantic, the workshop a mess, Wrapping with duct tape under duress. One elf sneezed, and the glitter exploded, Turning Santa’s suit into disco-coated. Meanwhile, the turkey escaped from the pot, It waddled outside—oh, boy, it was hot! It climbed the roof and began to crow, “I’m the main event, not the sideshow!” The tree in the living room went up in flames, Thanks to Uncle Joe and his candle games. He swore he saw a moth in the light, But now the whole house glows so bright. Grandma spiked the eggnog a little too much, She danced on the table and broke her crutch. She yelled, “It’s a miracle, my leg feels fine!” ...

The Absurd Adventures of Everyday Life There once was a cat who wore a top hat, But tripped on his tail and fell with a splat. He blamed the dog for the fashion mishap, And now they both share a sartorial gap. A penguin went dancing at a swanky soiree, But slipped on a shrimp and slid far away. He crashed through the punch, creating a scene, Now he’s known as the clumsy tuxedoed marine. A grandma tried yoga with a flexible flair, But got stuck upside-down in the recliner chair. Her dog just stared as she yelled for assistance, Then joined her pose in doggy persistence. Tim bought a jetpack for his daily commute, But forgot to read the fine print in the suit. He zoomed past his office, then over the moon, And landed in France for a late afternoon. A chicken took salsa lessons on a dare, With maracas tied to both wings in the air. She cha-chaed so hard, the barnyard did quake, And the cows couldn’t moo for the laughing outbreak. A scientist tried making invisible pie, But it vanished too...

 Silly Situations I once wore my shoes on the wrong feet all day, And wondered why walking felt halfway astray. A pigeon stared down with a judgmental sneer, As I tripped on a snail and landed in fear. I spilled my hot coffee on my cat’s little head, He meowed out his vengeance, leapt onto my bed. Now he holds a grudge, so he knocks things around, Like glasses and vases he shatters on ground. At the park, I sat on a fresh-painted seat, And walked through the town with two bright purple cheeks. A toddler pointed and yelled, "What a clown!" I smiled and declared, "I’m the joke of the town!" One time I got trapped in a supermarket door, While carrying melons I’d paid for (plus four). The alarm screamed, the staff rushed, it felt like a crime, But they freed me with butter (after some time). I tried to impress with a cartwheel of flair, Instead, I collapsed with my feet in the air. Grandma laughed so hard that her dentures fell out, And the dog ran off with them, wearin...

Alice in Wonderland Night Before Christmas  'Twas the night before Christmas,  when all through the house Not a creature was stirring not even the Dormouse Alice all nestled, With the purring Cheshire Cat, Laid next to White Rabbit for a well deserved nap. The Wonderland creatures all snug in their beds While visions of teacups danced in their heads Then all of a sudden, there was a loud rustle, Everyone was frightened, and all in a hustle. More rapid than Momeraths quicker than a Bandersnatch I tore open the shutters and threw open the catch They saw something fly, dancing in the moonlight, And the group stared in awe, How could anything have such flight? Alice was uncertain she said something not quite right Are you sure we haven’t been smoking the Caterpillars pipe Then Alice beamed widely, as she said really quick, “I see eight Jabberwockys, So it must be St. Nick!” The sleigh landed gracefully, close to Cheshire Cat’s tree But it wasn’t St Nick who alighted it was Tweedle...

 Bipolar Night Before Christmas ‘twas the  night  before Christmas and at the north pole Not one elf was resting not one bloody soul. No matter they tried they couldn’t keep up with Big Red And the visions of grandeur that danced in his head From task to task and to the next present he’d leap When in a mood like this he had no need for sleep His words came quickly tumbling one after another Only interspersed by long periods of laughter All round the village the White Beard would sing And to a fragment of sanity he’d delicately cling The elves were concerned and cried, “Santa slow down” With your nose red and glowing you resemble a clown The elves still recall how they found him that morn He’d been up all night but there was barely a yawn He’d spent all night with a computer screen Not snug in bed where he should have been Spending indiscriminately on ebay and such He didn’t realize his mind was out of touch His mood was so frantic, much more than jolly To listen to him wo...

Politically Correct Night Before Christmas Twas the night before Xmas and all was on hold Because political correctness had reached the North Pole All the work had stopped on the factory floor Because Santa had breached an OH&S law And before Santa had the chance to call his lawyer He had become an equal opportunity employer So now in the workshop at his North Pole home Santa employs dwarves, sprites and gnome And now the factory floor will feature Every imaginable fairy-tale creature Working so hard, side by side with the elves Working real hard to fill the warehouse shelves. So Santa’s helpers are now of all sorts In the Vertically Challenged Union, VCU for short. They’ve become organised and have representation Helping them out with award negotiations They’re now ready to slap on work bans Or slowing their work if Santa doesn’t meet their demands But what are their demands what do they seek Superannuation and a 38 hour week Public Holidays are optional and paid at overtime Anyth...

  Some Assembly Required Night before Christmas So many nights before Xmas and all through the house We put toys together, me and my spouse At times we were keen and so inspired Even when some assembly was required So many gifts we were spoiled by choice Working late at night we had to lower our voice We’d open the boxes and tip it all out And study the plans and schematic layout There were bikes, trampoline even a swing Putting together while the Carols did sing So confused by it all we nearly wept Trying to assemble while the children just slept It was nearly impossible and if you thought IKEA was hard There were bits and pieces all over yard The swing was difficult but we did it topnotch Assembling it together while the neighbours did watch We had no time for rest we’d work through the night Drinking cold cups of coffee til Christmas first light Then only then when we were finally done We’d shade our eyes from the rising of the sun But we’d finally finish no parts had been left ...

CHEMO NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS                                        Twas the night before Christmas in the oncology ward Where the names were all written on the nursing white board They’d been in the hospital since they had their diagnosis Leukemia, lymphoma, brain cancer not a good prognosis But tomorrow was Christmas a day to have off Not a day for any treatment, at their illness to scoff Too ill to go home, It was too hard to sleep While monitors flash and alarms buzz and beep It’s Christmas said Daniel quietly to the nurse How about a Carol or maybe some verse But Santa is coming , the nurse brightly said He’ll not find you if you’re not asleep in your bed So Lucas and Erin left out cocoa and cookies While Hannah dreamt of weddings and Kyle dreamt of wookies So the patients all drifted off one by one While the nurses were busy much work to be done Then around midnight there arose such...