Funny Poems

 A Christmas Catastrophe n Christmas Eve, the reindeer rebelled, They unionized and loudly yelled: "No more cookies, no more sleigh, We’re taking December as a holiday!" Santa panicked, his belly did quake, "No reindeer? Good grief, for goodness' sake!" So he strapped some squirrels to the sleigh instead, But they all got dizzy and fled. The elves were frantic, the workshop a mess, Wrapping with duct tape under duress. One elf sneezed, and the glitter exploded, Turning Santa’s suit into disco-coated. Meanwhile, the turkey escaped from the pot, It waddled outside—oh, boy, it was hot! It climbed the roof and began to crow, “I’m the main event, not the sideshow!” The tree in the living room went up in flames, Thanks to Uncle Joe and his candle games. He swore he saw a moth in the light, But now the whole house glows so bright. Grandma spiked the eggnog a little too much, She danced on the table and broke her crutch. She yelled, “It’s a miracle, my leg feels fine!” ...

The Absurd Adventures of Everyday Life There once was a cat who wore a top hat, But tripped on his tail and fell with a splat. He blamed the dog for the fashion mishap, And now they both share a sartorial gap. A penguin went dancing at a swanky soiree, But slipped on a shrimp and slid far away. He crashed through the punch, creating a scene, Now he’s known as the clumsy tuxedoed marine. A grandma tried yoga with a flexible flair, But got stuck upside-down in the recliner chair. Her dog just stared as she yelled for assistance, Then joined her pose in doggy persistence. Tim bought a jetpack for his daily commute, But forgot to read the fine print in the suit. He zoomed past his office, then over the moon, And landed in France for a late afternoon. A chicken took salsa lessons on a dare, With maracas tied to both wings in the air. She cha-chaed so hard, the barnyard did quake, And the cows couldn’t moo for the laughing outbreak. A scientist tried making invisible pie, But it vanished too...

 Silly Situations I once wore my shoes on the wrong feet all day, And wondered why walking felt halfway astray. A pigeon stared down with a judgmental sneer, As I tripped on a snail and landed in fear. I spilled my hot coffee on my cat’s little head, He meowed out his vengeance, leapt onto my bed. Now he holds a grudge, so he knocks things around, Like glasses and vases he shatters on ground. At the park, I sat on a fresh-painted seat, And walked through the town with two bright purple cheeks. A toddler pointed and yelled, "What a clown!" I smiled and declared, "I’m the joke of the town!" One time I got trapped in a supermarket door, While carrying melons I’d paid for (plus four). The alarm screamed, the staff rushed, it felt like a crime, But they freed me with butter (after some time). I tried to impress with a cartwheel of flair, Instead, I collapsed with my feet in the air. Grandma laughed so hard that her dentures fell out, And the dog ran off with them, wearin...

Alice in Wonderland Night Before Christmas  'Twas the night before Christmas,  when all through the house Not a creature was stirring not even the Dormouse Alice all nestled, With the purring Cheshire Cat, Laid next to White Rabbit for a well deserved nap. The Wonderland creatures all snug in their beds While visions of teacups danced in their heads Then all of a sudden, there was a loud rustle, Everyone was frightened, and all in a hustle. More rapid than Momeraths quicker than a Bandersnatch I tore open the shutters and threw open the catch They saw something fly, dancing in the moonlight, And the group stared in awe, How could anything have such flight? Alice was uncertain she said something not quite right Are you sure we haven’t been smoking the Caterpillars pipe Then Alice beamed widely, as she said really quick, “I see eight Jabberwockys, So it must be St. Nick!” The sleigh landed gracefully, close to Cheshire Cat’s tree But it wasn’t St Nick who alighted it was Tweedle...

 Bipolar Night Before Christmas ‘twas the  night  before Christmas and at the north pole Not one elf was resting not one bloody soul. No matter they tried they couldn’t keep up with Big Red And the visions of grandeur that danced in his head From task to task and to the next present he’d leap When in a mood like this he had no need for sleep His words came quickly tumbling one after another Only interspersed by long periods of laughter All round the village the White Beard would sing And to a fragment of sanity he’d delicately cling The elves were concerned and cried, “Santa slow down” With your nose red and glowing you resemble a clown The elves still recall how they found him that morn He’d been up all night but there was barely a yawn He’d spent all night with a computer screen Not snug in bed where he should have been Spending indiscriminately on ebay and such He didn’t realize his mind was out of touch His mood was so frantic, much more than jolly To listen to him wo...

Politically Correct Night Before Christmas Twas the night before Xmas and all was on hold Because political correctness had reached the North Pole All the work had stopped on the factory floor Because Santa had breached an OH&S law And before Santa had the chance to call his lawyer He had become an equal opportunity employer So now in the workshop at his North Pole home Santa employs dwarves, sprites and gnome And now the factory floor will feature Every imaginable fairy-tale creature Working so hard, side by side with the elves Working real hard to fill the warehouse shelves. So Santa’s helpers are now of all sorts In the Vertically Challenged Union, VCU for short. They’ve become organised and have representation Helping them out with award negotiations They’re now ready to slap on work bans Or slowing their work if Santa doesn’t meet their demands But what are their demands what do they seek Superannuation and a 38 hour week Public Holidays are optional and paid at overtime Anyth...